Archived December 2005 Rainy Day Thoughts

Monday, December 26, 2005

Endings

For a number of years, as a gift to myself in the weeks and days before year's end, I take time to evaluate last year's choices-- good and bad-- and consider what I hope for in the new year. This is when I write a list of things I'd like to be doing and places I want to be in another year. I don't call these resolutions, but rather directions with steps to get there-- hopefully.

I believe in serendipity, am grateful and use such gifts when they come along, but I also believe in Benjamin Franklin's saying-- God helps those who help themselves. I believe in working to use what we have been given as Jesus talked about in the parable of the talents. I try to leave myself open for changes and sometimes have to get slammed alongside the head to remind me I lost track of my dream. For six years now, I have had such a dream; so I know where I want to be, just not how to be there.

I rarely look at those goals throughout the year, but I believe having written them, with some plans for getting there, helps me focus without consciously thinking on it. Success comes most often through preparing yourself for it, not sitting expecting it to drop in your lap. What we are not taking tiny steps toward achieving, we probably will not.

This year, for the first time, the blog has been part of that evaluation. Although I began it over a year ago, I hadn't done much with it until summer of '05. This month, as I thought about it, I asked myself what I was contributing with it? Was it helping me be who I want to? Did I have more to say or would I just be repeating myself? When I began, I never set a time limit on how long I would do it. I thought I'd evaluate it at a certain point. I have done that and decided, after giving any regular readers time to know where it went, to delete it December 31.

I think this ending is a bit like the ending any of my writing or art projects. I always am reluctant to see them end, continue tweaking longer than I should; with a story, sometimes have a hard time deciding where the end should be; but there comes a time where I finally accept I have said all I had to say and more would be redundant.

Some people have topical blogs and they can probably continue doing those forever. I didn't have one cause like that. There are those who share their daily lives through photos or words, but I didn't do much of that-- much as I enjoy reading those who do. Much of my life involves things I didn't feel I could share in a public forum and writing about what was left seemed less than open.

I want to thank all the people who have read my words and most especially those who commented. For me, comments, whether-- you are way off base or I agree and here's another thought to go with it-- are like the gold they say is at the end of the rainbow.

It's a new year coming and I am thinking positive on what it will hold. It has to be better than 2005-- although I say that every year. Even though this is the darkest time of the year, the lead up is always hardest for me. After the Solstice is an optimistic time, a fresh start. I always think-- yeah this is going to be the year!

Frankly for me personally, although I had good things in 2005, it was a year of disappointments. I felt sad over the many natural disasters, how people had their lives torn apart; got frustrated at the political situation where I have questioned where the heck this country I love so much is heading; went through a personal loss; some physical upsets; and have to say I will be glad to start writing 2006.

Ahead are fresh beginnings, new starts, every day is getting brighter. Yeah, this is going to be the year :)

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Saturday, December 24, 2005

Merry Christmas everyone.
Hope your holiday is special
however and wherever
you chose to celebrate it.

Christmas is a time of families
and friends coming together,
of imagination,
of magic,
of mysticism.

For my magical part,
tomorrow I will be in a plain mountain cabin,
horses and cows well fed down by the barn. Snow is falling, candles are lit and a fire is in the fireplace, good smells coming from the kitchen, dogs and cats lying by the fire.

(Image from readthewest.com)

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Elton John got married

Yep, because England recently changed their statutes to allow gay couples to marry publicly and establish civil unions, Elton John and his long term lover, soul mate, friend tied the knot in the same place Prince Charles married his long term mistress. Is the sky about to fall? Is God going to smite the British for accepting two people who love each other might want to live together openly, have a regular home life, and with the community not ready to tar and feather them or worse?

There is a movie out soon in the US, well I guess in some cities, it's already out-- Brokeback Mountain. It's about the same kind of situation with a different ending. Two people meet, fall in love, have sex, but can't be together openly because they are the wrong gender in the wrong lifetime. So they hide their love, get married to unsuspecting mates, even have children and meet when they can for the true passion of their life. The end result is what some would call just desserts -- tragic.

What is the logic that makes this such a fearsome issue to some? Most of it is religion if we discard the fear some heterosexuals have that it might be catching to have gay couples near them. I do not know a lot about other religions but know quite a bit about Christianity and the scriptures used to justify keeping apart those who would naturally go together. Sodom and Gomorrah strikes fear into the hearts of fundamentalists. It's a slippery slope and boy you start down that and next thing you know your own sons will be kissing their soccer mates.

Except what was Sodom and Gomorrah? Was it simply about homosexuals? Not in my opinion. It was a place of debauchery where men raped others, where they would have sex with anybody they could and violently was best. The men there would have raped total strangers (who just happened to be angels with the power to zap the whole community-- these were obviously also not discerning men) but settled for Lot's daughters who they would have instead raped. This is not about an Elton John situation where two men desire to go home together, fix dinner (well probably not fix it in his case), watch some TV, make out on the couch and then head for the bedroom-- if they make it that far. Was that offensive? Not if it's describing a man and woman to most but when it's two men, a lot of people think it would cause our whole world to be destroyed.

Oregon last year voted to ban gay marriage with a lot of other states doing likewise. I was in shock and still am about Oregon. I understood some of the states in the more conservative areas, but Oregon is the most or one of the most unchurched states in the US. Out here it's been live and let live and unless you hurt someone with what you do, we mind our own business... or we did. All it took was seeing same sex couples kissing happily in the courthouse, and ack! People rushed to mark their ballots-- no, no, no!

Yes, homosexual couples are not complete as in they cannot have an egg and hatch it like in March of the Penguins but not all heterosexual couples marry to reproduce. Gays can already adopt babies and in the case of women have babies by the method some heterosexual couples must use.

This spiritual fear is bad enough-- especially for those who would use Jesus as their excuse-- but it's equally irritating to me when it's done by politicians purely to gain power. It amazes me that someone would want to ruin other people's lives for power-- of course, it did work last year once again as it has so many times-- guns, gays and greed (I added the last one). Yes, there was more than one issue that cost John Kerry the presidency but with the margin as narrow as it was, I suspect a significant one was homosexual marriage being thrust to the forefront. Wonder who benefited from that as it frightened people into a stampede to vote against what they saw as a road to decadence and debauchery.

What the homosexuals are seeking in being allowed to wed seems to be a normal family life with the respect of the community that so many other couples can have with no questions. When my daughter got married, she said she was surprised how much it changed who they were in the eyes of others. By blocking gay marriage, are we saying only decadence is possible for homosexuals? That they are so beyond the pale that they might as well just give it up-- or marry an opposite sex partner and pretend for the rest of their lives. Frankly, by denying them respect for who they are, we are not helping ourselves either.

I read Andrew Sullivan's blog on this and it listed two reasons for allowing gay marriage. One is that the government should not ban or sanction activities that are not harmful to another person. Regardless of the laws, gays are going to have sex with the person they desire. Sullivan's blog brought up all the possibly damaged lives because of this fear of homosexual unions.

All government and the culture can do with their bans on marriage is try to make gays feel guilty and deny them normalcy. I am not saying a pastor should be forced to marry someone they feel is living in mortal sin, but there are churches that don't feel that way and many others with the license to marry.

The second argument for allowing gay marriage was that it would let homosexuals live a normal life instead of having to hide and live with guilt or worse with promiscuity because they feel that is their lot and there's no other hope for them.

Sure some of them get married and find out it wasn't what they expected-- welcome to the family. :)

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Winter Solstice

I received this in my e-mails this morning from a Tucson psychic, and it made sense to me-- something I hadn't really thought on before. (For those who do not care to read such, I will add this is a channeled reading.)

EMPTINESS

Many at this time of year come face-to-face with a sense of emptiness. For those who are celebrating holidays, there may be a feeling that their experience doesn't measure up to what it's "supposed" to be. Perhaps they remember their childhood wonder and excitement, or are influenced by the songs played everywhere; they think they ought to be feeling "jolly," but don't. Perhaps they feel obligated to "put on a show" and are so busy that they don't have time to enjoy it. Perhaps they are reminded that they don't
have the kind of support from family and friends that they would like.

Although this is normally attributed to the stress of the holidays, there is another factor: As those in the Northern Hemisphere move toward the shortest day and longest night of the year, the beginning of winter, there is rightly a growing sense of emptiness, not as in "my life has no meaning" but due to the inexorable movement of the seasons. The height of summer is a time of fullness when trees are rich with fruit and foliage, and the skies are at their lightest. It is natural that there should be a balance; thus, the height of winter is a time of emptiness when trees are generally without fruit and leaves, and the skies are at their darkest.

Vibrationally, the summer is the time of maximum outward focus, and the winter, inward focus. One needs maximum outer light to focus on the outer world, and maximum outer darkness to focus on the inner world.

Emptiness is not a bad thing; it is part of the natural ebb and flow of life. If you were always full, how would you receive something new? However, when one tries to ignore the emptiness or fill it with things that don't fit in it, it doesn't fill properly according to the seasons of life. When summer comes, the outer blossoming consumes one's attention without it reflecting a commensurate inner blossoming. When winter returns and it is time to focus on divine emptiness, instead there is an unnatural emptiness that has become more barren and rough over the seasons.

Inner fullness can only come from within. There is a place for externals, of course--they can be enjoyed and offer many blessings--but inner space can only be filled by inner beingness. When outer needs are met without a commensurate rising up of selfhood, they do not fully satisfy.

Whatever the state of your inner emptiness, embracing it as it is is the beginning of filling it and, if necessary, healing it. Feel it, accept it, be at peace with it to the best of your ability. If it aches, comfort it.
Allow the love of your essence to come forth and begin to fill the emptiness in whatever way is appropriate. As you release blocks to its right fulfillment, what you truly seek will emerge. 'Tis the season.
--Michael Channeled by Shepherd Hoodwin

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Christmas spirit

Air is cold and crisp, bells ringing, carols playing; voices carry-- angry ones, happy ones, crying children, overreacting adults. Angry motorists grumble at losing parking spots. Stores are crowded, lines long, excited children underfoot. Odd looking Santa Clauses (some even female) sit on thrones asking lines of children what they want. Looking for your own aisle, you hear coughing in the distance, (you hope) reminding you to wash your hands as soon as you get home; you pass a couple frowning at a price tag and worriedly recalculating how much was in that checking account. Someone walks by in a daze, never noticing they walked right into you (fortunately you saw it coming and braced yourself to avoid being knocked down)... And all of this at the time of year with the least energy, where some animals hibernate. A sensible person would be at home, wearing an old shirt, hair uncombed, sitting in front of a nice fire, contemplating their toes warming-- you imagine yourself there.

It made perfect sense that the early Calvinists banned Christmas celebrations as heathen displays. This is a time of heathen displays of excess, color, activity, expectation, and compensation. Actually that is part of its appeal and the challenge for those healthy enough to take it on. Buying the perfect gift is a challenge but not quite as much as hearing someone say-- it's not my size and looking at you as though-- is that all there is? and you managing a sweet smile.

Of course, there are positive things about Christmas like-- it's very Christmasy looking outside-- if you live in New England or the mountains. The rest of the country does not generally get the Christmas card type of scene out their window. Here in Oregon, it's more likely to be mud with a glimpse of sun mid afternoon if we are lucky. I have had, I think, maybe five white Christmases in my entire life (one I had to travel to get) and as I have mentioned, that's a long life.

I am at a point in life, where due to having small grandchildren, some of the excitement has returned. Little children are so ecstatic over pretty much anything they get. They are not yet to the age where it's -- uhm but i wanted the other kind. Instead it's an age of eyes glowing and wow, another package for me ?

Despite the difficult aspects to the holiday, we can feel gratitude if we have friends and families to gather with us in this season-- hopefully not ones where they get drunk ending up in a fist fight-- the usual results in one family I know of out here where the brothers (until they got too old to do it) every holiday beat each other up-- due to an over abundance of spirit-s.

We can feel gratitude if we have the financial resources to have some excesses of giving but even better, the knowledge that the greatest gift is love; and being together with loved ones matters more than any presents under the tree.

We can feel gratitude we live in a place where it's safe to go to church if we choose and can be a church of our choice which could include pagan. Moreover, if we choose not to go to church, we can do that.

We can feel gratitude if we have some good neighbors that we can take over cookie plates to and see them smile in pleasure; often sending one back.

We can feel gratitude for the cards that come in from friends and family letting us know all is well in their worlds-- or if not, how they are coping.

We can feel gratitude for all the wonderful stories for this time of the year-- miracles of unending oil for the lamps, baby Jesus, wise men and angels, Santa Claus, flying reindeer, a belief in giving without expecting return. It is a mystical time of the year and special to many religions and peoples.

And we can most especially feel gratitude that we are finally over the hump. The darkest day of the year will have passed and from then on it's going to get brighter... really it is........

Monday, December 19, 2005

Take heed

Fran, who writes Sacred Ordinary (in the links here) posted this on her blog and I just thought it was so good that it was worth repeating and for each of us to think on-- most especially with the old year coming to a close and the new one about to begin. It's never too late to awaken--

Life and death are of supreme importance.
Time swiftly passes by and
opportunity is lost.
Each of us should strive to awaken.
Awaken!
Take heed –
do not squander your life.

Friday, December 16, 2005

March of the Penguins

The movie, March of the Penguins, for me, was as good as I had read. It's filmed beautifully, like one of the Disney Fantasias, only this is for real, exploring a world I knew almost nothing about and illustrating loyalty to a united cause of survival of the species. Instinct tells the Emperor Penguins in Antarctica that to breed, to raise their young, they must follow a path that is filled with hardship and sacrifice. Somehow they pass this knowledge on and again and again repeat the steps required-- no matter what the personal cost.

The religious right made much of the monogamy angle in this movie-- even though in the case of the Emperor Penguins, their monogamy lasts a season, the time required to lay, hatch and raise one chick. Still for that season, simply by the sounds made by the mate, they can find each other in a crowd-- a crowd of seemingly identical looking creatures. By the same method, they can find their offspring. For all the talk on how this elaborate system proves Intelligent Design, it seems what it really teaches is how important survival of the species is and how far some must go to assure it.

When the penguins separate at the end of their season, there does not appear to be any looking back. As far as observers can tell, they do not necessarily reconnect ever again. Loyalty to anyone else in the ocean could spell doom for them all. They can only help each other during the season of breeding. Two by two they go-- for a season.

Two by two we go-- for a lifetime; or so goes the mythology of happily ever after. It doesn't always work that way for humans, but then it's not just one year we have to pull it off. A lifetime these days is a lot of years and goes through many changes-- no kids, kids, no kids, careers, homes, towns, economic ups and downs, and of course, the inevitable physical changes. There are many emotional and physical expectations placed on a mated relationship in a modern world. Is this about insuring survival of our species or something else?

Is monogamy (not serial monogamy) natural for a lifetime? Does the expectation that it will be that way come from our culture (religion, family or community) or is it somehow engrained in humans by a higher purpose-- okay I'll say it-- intelligent design? Monogamy definitely serves a purpose while raising children, but humans don't mate just to reproduce the species. Some have no desire to have children but still want to be in a mated relationship that usually encompasses sexuality-- whether the partners are opposite sex or not.

Today, beyond the practical aspects of matings, humans seem to have a romantic need for a soul mate, or some zinging experience-- hence sometimes affairs or serial monogamy. We are taught a lot about what mating should be (and I don't mean the sexual part) from music, movies, books and myths. The Bible has stories of men who took one look at a woman and worked years to gain her or even murdered. Most of those lusty beginnings had less than fairy tale endings. Greek myths likewise rarely show the lusty relationship ending well. But still there is that desire for the passionate connection, for us to go-- two by two.

Not because I find anything wrong with monogamy or happily ever after marriages, but just the question has come to me why do we desire it? It's not just lust as that can be fulfilled without a permanent mate. It's not just raising children. The desire goes on way beyond child bearing years. I have known older, very successful, single men and women who feel unfulfilled even though they have nice homes, sufficient money for travel, enriching friendships, but it's not enough without that special someone who makes the sound only they can recognize.

We all smile when we see it working for a couple who found that soul mate connection. But we equally congratulate couples who held on for 50 years even if they would have done better by their kids and themselves if they had released it years before-- not that it works any better for those who run from partner to partner hoping for nirvana someday somewhere and often being bitterly disappointed when it doesn't happen.

So where did the concept of human monogamy come from? Is it natural? Does it serve a spiritual purpose beyond the obvious religious? And when you hear that special sound, would you sacrifice anything to be with the one making it?

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Christmas Village

They reappear each Thanksgiving-- rather like Brigadoon.
If I had my druthers,
they would set on a table
creating a whole miniature world,
lit up at night,
imaginary, perfect.

Tiny ceramic people would walk the streets,
skate on imaginary icy ponds.
Perhaps a carriage would drive
down the road,
lovers on their way to
Grandma's house.

But my space for them
is limited;
so they find places
on shelves, here and there.

At night, when I turn them on,
for a moment they become real villages
perfect little worlds,
somewhere in the mountains
where all is beautiful
and good.

With 'dreaming of a white Christmas'
softly playing in the background,
sung by Bing Crosby, of course,
I turn off all the lights...
except theirs and
and disappear into that tiny perfect world.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Reincarnation questions

I have a question I have been wrestling with that I wonder if others have thought about. This question does not require someone to believe in reincarnation; but if they do, it is more likely they will have considered it-- If you do live again, what lesson, that you have learned this lifetime, would you most want to take with you into the next? Perhaps the question is on my mind because of my age or just in looking around the world and seeing so many people that seem to blow off their lives, seemingly wasting what they were given; and I wonder how would I do-- if I did it again?

On whether there is reincarnation, I don't know. I certainly don't count on it; but I can see how it would explain some things. Having been a Christian for many years, I had the usual aversion to even considering whether it might be true. In 1998, with a strong personal reason, I began to explore what I believed about it-- not what I was told I should believe. I checked out the Bible for related scriptures, read a number of books, talked to friends (the ones who didn't just give me that look-- are you nuts!), and finally did regressions (meditative technique to retrieve memories). Mine were done over one summer using tapes. When fall came, I had one session with a hypnotherapist and got most of the same 'memories' with two more ( she also took me into the next lifetime). That meant pieces of seven different lives. Where I was looking for something specific, I did not get every lifetime I might have had but merely the ones that applied to my search.

Regressions could allow the soul to open up historic memories of real past lives. The stories, on the other hand, could simply be used by the subconscious to illustrate patterns in one's current life. In books on reincarnation, some therapists have used regression as therapy, even claiming it helped with physical illnesses. Were these remembered lives led by real people? Who can know, although some, after having been regressed have gone to the places they saw and found physical proofs-- trails they knew, buildings, even people. Does that prove it was real? Not really as there are many ways the subconscious might gain such information, but it is interesting.

The following is one of my own stories from that summer of exploring. It's not that I believe this story has such deep meaning for anyone else, but it is an example of what someone may find through the regression process. One possible disclaimer for me is I dream vivid dreams sometimes, which can be in story form; so I realize I might have created all of this.

To do a regression, using various techniques, you let yourself fully relax, fall into a mild trance state, release your conscious mind, and let whatever comes to you be realized. When you are in the deep meditative state, the tape or therapist will begin asking questions. Memories come as though they happened and you are now recalling them, sometimes you cry, sometimes you seem to really see people and places--

The country was a dry rugged land with big rocks, sage, prickly pear cactus, creosote trees, in the distance were mountains. The small village was probably Apache (and just guessing before White Man came along-- certainly they were no factor in the story). The homes were wickiups-- rounded, not teepee like, and small saplings forming the roofs and walls. I was a young woman, married but with no children yet.

I can't say I was unhappy exactly. My husband was a kind man but there was another in that tribe who was the one I was attracted to. He was a younger man. I think his father was the current leader of the tribe and this young man was in training to be a spiritual leader. (In the Apache world, that can be war leader as well as spiritual as Geronimo was both to his people.) He and I resisted the attraction between us until we didn't and eventually were found out. (In the world of the Apache, a husband could have killed an unfaithful wife, banished her, cut off her nose, or kept her. It was really all in his hands). My husband chose banishment. My lover was banished with me.

Once off by ourselves and reestablishing a small camp, he was depressed, had lost his purpose, felt he had failed the people, himself, and Spirit. I felt sorry for his losses but was living on a simpler level and was basically happy just to be with him, to have no more deception, but life was not easy. To survive in this country was hard even for those in the village, let alone by ourselves. (This could have been a drought time in the Southwest as it was hard to find food).

He went farther and farther from the camp to hunt and then one time he didn't return. I didn't know why. Did he desert me? Was he killed? No way to ever know. I felt it didn't matter anymore if I lived or died and stopped eating which led to my death.

(The photographs in this blog are all from my own trips into the part of southwestern Arizona where this most likely could have happened-- if it happened. They are the Dragoons and Huachuca Mountains. This is hard country to survive in even today with most of the water being in the mountains. )

What did I learn from this story? I am still working on that.

Friday, December 09, 2005

Cold Remedies

I am writing in here a bit more than usual but there is a reason. I have a winter cold that I am sure I caught while pursuing one of the usual Christmas tasks-- shopping. How I hate to be anywhere near stores this time of the year, but there is no escaping them. Well I guess there would be if I shopped online. Not that I never buy anything online but I am a tactile person, prefer to get up close and personal with what I'm going to purchase for a gift.

So as I sneeze and cough my way through the writing, it's about all I feel like doing. I am trying every cold remedy that I know of-- short of medicines like Nyquil. I favor the more natural (h0pefully) remedies like-- Vitamin C, hot tea, Echinacea, Zicam, something new that friends told me about-- Airborne... and of course, the old faithful-- hot toddy (tea, lemon juice, honey and a splash of whiskey).

I have been working on the new painting, drinking lots of water, taking naps and in between thinking too much about a dozen things that don't get me anywhere-- the usual when a person is laid low. Since I earlier confessed to liking country western music, I might as well admit that between Christmas albums (trying to get myself in the mood) I am playing the new Patty Loveless-- Dreamin' My Dreams. I love that album even though it's more pure country than I generally favor. I think it's because she is speaking to my heart with so many of her songs. Yes, I have been in a bit of a dark mood.

Although this is not a great photo of it and it's not finished, I thought I'd share the progress on the new oil painting, Medicine Wheel. It comes from an idea I had awhile back for a painting which I am exploring ways to depict. I have come to believe one way to look at the Medicine Wheel (and there are many) is that the 4 directions and 4 colors, which are also depicted by 4 ribbons (black, white, red and yellow), refer to spiritual truth having been given to mankind in pieces with the intention that eventually, through sharing, these truths would be joined together for the benefit of all.

Unfortunately, man being man, the sharing part didn't end up working. What each of the peoples were told, they felt was so special that they were not willing to share. They came to believe their truth was sufficient and they needed wisdom from no one else. Worse sometimes they went to war protecting their 'truth.'

I have played with different ways to do this but this painting is one attempt to show people coming together to share. Eventually, when it seems ready, I will add the colored ribbons.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Does anybody care?

It would be easy to make a quick list of the most damaging things that the Bush administration has been doing (from my perspective)-- questionable war in Iraq, incompetent political appointees, mishandling of disasters, budget deficits out of control at least partly because of tax cuts in a time of war, blocking women's right to decide on abortion as well as gays from having a normal family life that includes government licensed relationships. Not to say these things don't matter but there have been other things going on without much attention from the mainstream media.

One concerning me a great deal is the way the group in power sees the environment and nature-- which as best I can tell is how many ways can they profit from it! So we have this-- National parks future threatened by turning from preservation to profit. If that isn't bad enough, there is what has been going on with the mining laws which would allow mining companies to usurp land perhaps even in national parks for the supposed means of mining but could end up being any kind of land development (insert speculators here) for possible homes, businesses, and resorts.

I have heard all the arguments from my Republican friends about how nobody hates the environment, how we own too much public land, and how something good for business has to be good for everybody else (insert trickle down); but I have not seen it that way given my biggest fear all along with Bush-- from 2000-- was what he would do the environment. I was told-- hey how much damage can he do? Well it's becoming obvious-- a lot. His bunch have moved to feed off this country for their own wealth and the idea of natural beauty, of open spaces, of healthy environment-- well heck, let them eat cake.

Bush has behind him a force, not the religious one but another, that wants only to make more money and there is never enough. There are those who see no value in anything that can't return a profit and looking at scenery fits into that no-profit category-- unless you can charge for fancy resorts and limit who gets to look.

I only hope the American people (most especially including Republicans) come to their senses before their places to hike, photograph, camp, fish, and recreate their souls are taken from them or even in some cases destroyed-- unable to ever be restored to what once was. And from what I can tell, a sizeable portion of this country won't even care. Some have never seen what they will lose.

Yes, this country currently has wilderness areas, national parks and national forests that are protected but that is because an earlier generation saw the wisdom in setting such aside. They sacrificed for it. I wonder if this generation is capable of that............

Monday, December 05, 2005

Happy... er Merry... hmmmmm

I feel a need to weigh in on the new most ridiculous issue to come along. Right now this country has border problems, terrorism, global warming questions, large deficit, health care issues, worldwide economic adjustments to make, Social Security problems, a new Chief Justice to consider for the Supreme Court, and the war in Iraq with the additional question of whether we were bamboozled into it; but what is the issue that seems to be rising to the top? Whether we call it Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays.

To me this is about the biggest non-issue that I can imagine but then I am writing on it myself; so guess it's not. This goes along with Intelligent Design being forced into what some people once thought were science classes. It's a religious bloc in this country who are pushing their agenda and looking for causes and ways to feel threatened. And yes, the opposite side has seemed equally silly with screams the sky is falling over finding Silent Night sung by second graders in a school pageant. For some time this has been an issue in public schools, now it's out there for the rest of us.

Happy Holidays works for me given this is the season for Advent as well as Hanukkah. It is the season for wiccans and pagans to celebrate the Winter Solstice and if we want to have more fun, Saturnalia, the Roman festival of the lights. We could even go a step farther and celebrate Kwanzaa the relatively recently created African American holiday.

The very fact we celebrate Christmas at this time of the year relates more to competing with rival religions than it does to Christ being born December 25th which is unlikely. It is the same reason that led the Catholic Church to often put its mission churches on what had previously been holy ground for the aboriginal peoples living in the area. Of course, some of that might be a recognition that it was holy ground-- I could say that if I wanted to be politically correct... but I won't. :)

Stores like Target or Wal-Mart are the ones caught in the middle this time as to say Happy Holidays which many have used for years is not okay with some and Merry Christmas isn't for others.

So what should be done? Boycotting is the suggestion by the O'Reillys of the world who are on a crusade because somebody is out to 'get' Christmas. Well if somebody is, they already did. Wonder if we should tell him. Should we let him know we celebrate Christmas with among other things, trees, lights, reindeer, Santa Claus, and they all can be traced to other religions or pagan sources? Nah..............

Friday, December 02, 2005

Aging... uh gracefully?

When I was a young woman, old age was something that happened to others and a long way off. This photo is me, my grandmothers, mother, my husband's grandmother, his mother and my daughter.

All of a sudden, it's my turn to be old! I am finding it kind of fascinating but also finding questions. From what I have seen so far, anyone who says old age is always fun and neat isn't there yet or lying. There are definitely interesting things about it, like an adventure of sorts, but also some difficulties that I didn't have to face years back. Little things like I cannot sleep on a rock hard futon anymore and wake up able to walk. Okay I can walk-- eventually. There are foods that used to move on through my stomach with no trouble and now make me miserable all night.

I would say the first observations I have about aging are emotional-- have a sense of humor, be aware, alert and flexible. Keep that spine flexible but also your attitude. Just because something always worked, doesn't mean it will tomorrow. For some reason often the old get set in their ways, not sure why, but I think it's good to shake ourselves up every so often to keep our vitality juiced up. That means a trip somewhere we haven't gone, a color we haven't worn, learning a new skill, picking up a language, trying pilates. Just anything to challenge the status quo and stretch.

I have read all kinds of books on aging from health issues to wearing purple. Online I have sought blogs written by other oldsters to see how they are dealing with it. It being as much a change as the teen years. You look at yourself in the mirror one day and go okay, I can deal with this, the next day you want to break the glass. It's interesting, intriguing and scary all at the same time. Reading opinions on old age run the gamut from there is no such thing, to give up and roll over, let someone else lead the show, you had your turn. Some say just take this set of vitamins and voila, no more aging. Others suggest save your money.

I have read how some old claim they become invisible-- people don't look at them. The suggestion of others is the solution is surgery. Just this week, I read the most gross thing I can imagine about the ultimate in face lift processes where they totally lift the skin off your face, rebuild the muscle and all underneath and set it all back in place. I am still shuddering over the thought. The author claimed that an 80 year old man then only looked 40. My question would be why would he want to? And who is he trying to fool?

Actually when I was in my 40s, I admit I intended to have my first face lift in my early to mid 50s... Then I read the details in how a full face lift was done-- lifting the skin off the cheeks and rebuilding underneath, and I rethought. Botox similarly leaves me with no desire to inject poison into my body to freeze muscles and make me unable to smile broadly or frown. I still need that frown sometimes!

To have a good old age, this might seem like duh, but know who you are. So many look at others and think gee whiz or good golly (just dated myself using those expressions), I'd like to look like so and so.. or live their life... or grow old like they did. We can't do it. We can be us. That's it. Our one big shot at life. And the world is full of temptations to revise who that would be based on someone else's expectations. So I repeat-- know yourself and to that be true. If you didn't figure that out when you were young, start today. If you are living a life someone else thought was 'appropriate', quit it. Literally there are hundreds of ways to be when we get old. We can be the cuddly grandma. We can go off to the Peace Corps. We can hike in Tibet. We can take a lover (get shot by her husband even). We can get into theater for the first time. There are so many opportunities in the world and some of us didn't live all the ones we wanted earlier. We did what we thought we should do. Old age is our last chance to be authentic, to totally be who we are inside. And it's not too late until we are dead.

Where I have never wanted to look like anybody else, I have fallen into the trap of trying to be what I thought I should be. I work on that. My goal is not to be women I have admired like say Georgia O'Keeffe (although I have learned from many lives), but instead to be the most 'me' possible. That means live my life as true to who I am as I can. Sometimes that doesn't suit other people; but hey this is my last shot at it-- maybe.

Yes, there are things we cannot do as we age, that we could have when younger and we might've missed the boat a few places-- but it's amazing how few of those choices really are forever missed opportunities. There are always other boats coming along; and while it's true that as we age, we can't do everything we once could, there are examples all around us of those who stepped out in courageous ways in their 70s to a brand new life.

When I was young I looked toward my grandmothers, aunts, mother and older friends for examples of aging and saw a lot of what to do and not do. I saw it also with the movie stars. There was Joan Crawford up on the screen with heavy make up smeared across her aging face and it was scary is all I can say. On the other hand there were the examples of the European movie stars, women like Anna Magnani and Simone Signoret who showed that you can be old, glamorous, vital and yes even sexy. There are examples all around us of women who have aged naturally and beautifully. We see many up on the screen-- Diane Keaton, Helen Mirren, Jessica Tandy. They don't try to look young but rather interesting, alive, vital-- not all of the young can even pull that off.

I have no feeling of-- now I'm old I should give up on looking exciting or glamorous-- on occasion. I might've had that assumption at one time but not once I got here. But it's a different kind of exciting-- and hopefully not a Gloria Swanson in Sunset Boulevard kind of glamour.

The one thing I cannot do is look young anymore. I can embrace what I am and make it the most possible or I can get upset about something that isn't going to change. Face lifts don't really make people look younger. Face lifts and botox can turn out Barbie dolls. They can take away lines, all that shows the life you have led but I want those lines. I remember how I got them and I don't want to erase any.

I may have had some advantages in accepting aging given my features were always different. When you have a big nose for instance, you early on realize you don't look like everybody else. To a teen at first that's a bit disturbing and then it becomes positive. You are different. Woo hoo. Exotic maybe. Even better. If you want features like everybody else, you won't be you. And now at old age, if you want all those lines gone, the sags pulled up-- same thing. I don't see anything dishonorable though with people choosing that option. I mean if it makes them happy, it's not like they sold out, but I also wish that the world would see the beauty in aging and it's very real. Most of what I consider graceful aging beauty is gone once you pull it up tight.

I'm sorry if someone else thinks an old woman should not wear jeans. This one does. All of my life I have pretty much worn what suited me, what felt comfortable and I still do. If someone thinks long hair down your back is undignified on a grandma, well sorry again. I like looking like me and that me likes black sweaters, nice fitting jeans, high heeled sandals, hoop earrings and I expect that to continue into my 80s-- if I live that long. But I am not going to try to compete with younger women for looking good. It would be a waste of my energy.

I want to be the most I can. Live fully at whatever age I am. Embrace all of the opportunities that come my way for as long as possible; and I think feeling that way-- if I can keep feeling that way-- is probably the best way to be an exciting, interesting old lady.